On the road (Op de weg)

 

For the uninitiated Brit, cross a busy road in the Netherlands, and you are taking your life in your own hands. 

And if you’re lucky enough to reach the other side unscathed, (albeit with pounding heart and sweaty palms), give yourself a pat on the back. You’ve lived to fight another day.

Firstly, (if you’re from the UK) you have to constantly remind yourself that things are likely to approach from the opposite direction from where you expect them to come from.  

And with multiple lanes of confusion to negotiate in a city, this can be very challenging.  And dangerous.

So don't think you're in the clear once you've narrowly avoided that Volvo, you've still got the No 5 tram just in front of you and it's about to run over your foot. 

Buses, cars, trams and cyclists all occupy their own separate lanes and are all hell-bent on walloping as many dithering tourists as they can.  

Especially cyclists.

It’s fantastic to see that so much of this country is adorned with dedicated cycle lanes, quite often a good distance from the roads carrying the other bulkier traffic.  It is something the UK have tried to copy in recent years but quite frankly, a dotted line on either side of a insanely busy road in London, is a pretty poor effort.

But here in the Netherlands, everything is centered around two wheel transportation. 

Put simply, the cyclist is treated like a God.

They can pretty much do anything and get away with it.  They are allowed to break any road law they like and if they get clattered by a car as a result, it’s the car driver who gets arrested and thrown in jail.  

Honestly.

Cyclists don’t stop for anything or anyone.  Even when they’re supposed to.  And I’ve seen many a poor pedestrian scared witless by a rampaging cyclist racing towards them when they've dared to place an accidental foot in their cycle lane.  

If anything, they speed up when they see a innocent victim in their sights.  They ride up up close and then ring their bell loudly making the poor sod jump out of their skin.

When cycle lane and road do occasionally meet, you can be driving along, minding your own business and then whoosh!  A cyclist zips across the road in front of you with no concern or care about themselves, you, or anyone else. You slam on the brakes in panic, and then try to calm your racing heart knowing how close you just came to a flat cyclist. And a lengthy jail term.

Sometimes though, even cyclists are not spared from persecution...

....From the scourge that is an e-biker.  

This is the two-wheeled version of an Audi driver.  

The air of superiority that accompanies being electrically propelled past the the ordinary mortal holds no bounds.  

You can be cycling along when, "ting ting", an e-bike comes up gliding behind you, its owner impatiently demanding to be allowed to pass.  

When you do reluctantly move aside to let them through, there is no acknowledgement, no smile or wave, just a cold arrogant look before they zoom off into the distance to harass someone else.

You could allow yourself to be annoyed by this but it's just the Dutch way.  They don't do road etiquette the way the Brits do. 

They may commit the most horrendous crimes behind the wheel or on the saddle and they say nothing. No apology, no brief wave to acknowledge self-blame.  

Nothing.  

On the other hand, in the UK, everyone waves at each other for pretty much anything.  

When I first came to the Netherlands, (and was a card-carrying full member of the UK etiquette club) I got annoyed by what I perceived as rudeness, but now it just fascinates me.  

And, instead of conforming to the Dutch way, I just simply carry on waving, if only to see the reaction from the Dutchies.

It really confuses some people.  And some people actually get quite excited by me waving at them. 

You can almost see them having an earnest conversation in their car as you drive past.

"Isn’t that your uncle Bart!?"

"I doubt it, he’s in Maastricht.  With his bad leg. And anyway, he drives a Volvo."

"Oh, it's your old dentist, Jan van Beek!"

"Unlikely, he died two years ago."

"Oh. Wonder who it is then."

As they slowly disappear off into the distance, you can still see them in the rear view mirror talking animatedly as if it was the most exciting thing that’s happened to them all day.  

And apart from earlier, when they almost flattened a disorientated Japanese tourist, it probably was.